Never Live-Blog the DNC When You're in a Bad Mood

OK, I'm starting this at 6:28, right after Pelosi speaks:

6:28: Pelosi gives a very generic, doddering speech for the messiah, Lord Barack. "He's a 21st-century patriot", "blessed by God" public servant, all that's missing is people with hands raised in worship. Oh, wait, never mind.

6:30: Crowd cheers for an unknown speaker. Meanwhile, our correspondant interviews an elderly Dem who doesn't have anything to say that nobody hasn't heard. Thanks.

6:31: Jimmy Carter tribute. Talking about New Orleans, says it's Bush's fault (not really the mayor's fault, right?). Dems sure love scenes of destruction. Why don't they give a tribute to his years as President? Oh, yeah. New Orleans = poverty-stricken parts of the world. Obama paints part of a house for the cameras. Evil insurance companies didn't let one lady collect, but college students helped her. That's why we need a Democrat...so college students can relax.

Why aren't they showing any fixed parts of NO?

6:35: Yippee! Carter comes out. Dems cheer. Republicans wince, remembering the history of Carter's term. Stagflation is a funny word.

6:37: Old man class-baits in the back room. Says Republicans advantage the wealthy. Janet Napolitano says Dems reach across the aisle. She forgot Barack, though, He didn't.

6:39: Maya Soetoro! She has a really strange accent. Makes Barry sound like an unprivileged kid, unlike he really was. Says Barry's mom gave him a telescope to look at the world. Maybe someone should remind her that those are for looking outside the world? Barack has given everyone bountiful opportunity. How? Come on.

6:44: Jesse Jackson, Jr. Invokes MLK. Is wrong to do so. How is it that people think Barry can really be compared to those blacks who suffered in our country? Every time he mentions Obama, crowd goes wild. Says he had incredible record in state senate, which is a complete lie. Also says he reached across the aisle. He did, only a couple times. Says Illinois is America. Who's Alan Keyes, then? Says the south is "agrarian". Maybe he forgot about Texas. Don't get me wrong, Jackson's a good speaker. But like Obambi, all his stuff just lacks substance. We rise and fall as one people. How many times I've heard that...

I think I heard someone faint.

Build common ground, heal wounds of the last 8 years, will unite us, blah blah blah, there is NOTHING to suggest Obama would unite us.

6:52: Biden looks like white-haired Al Gore. Hmm. Nobody references Jackson's father's comment "I wanna cut hit n*ts off"? Have we forgot that, already? Jimmy Carter, here. He's a great person. Says Hillary voters will go to Obama. I laugh in anticipation, it's like dramatic irony. HE MENTIONED JOHN EDWARDS! You aren't supposed to do that! Wow, Carter says Obama has enough experience as 1-term Senator. Bum on Carter's left suggests McCain is ahead of Obama because of race. Carter agrees, says GA, NC and FL will go for Obama. Is he serious?

Carter cried in front of TV when Obama gave speech in Philly. Another swooner. Says Obama will end racism when he's Prez. Right.

7:03: Talking with a round-table about Jimmy Carter. Nothing interesting here. Elevating Carter's status. I'd recommend textbooks for history rather than this, there's less propaganda.


There's nothing really happening, so I'll get back to you when something of note happens. For now, it's just the regular Dem talking points and praise for Obama. I can't watch this.

7:17: Caroline Kennedy introduces Ted Kennedy, just before his video tribute. Caroline disses Repubs, calls Obama like her father. Anyone notice how she bares a close resemblance to Ann Coulter? Praises Ted, or "uncle Teddy". Tribute starts. Teddy talks about the sea. It's great. Yay. Video of him sailing. I wonder how many houses he has? If someone asked, he probably wouldn't remember, due to his recent problems. Does it even matter? No. He's been fighting for socialized healthcare all his time in the Senate. Still hasn't gotten it. Hopefully he never will. Says healthcare is a right. Well, we are not allowed to not give care based on if the patient has insurance or money. Does he realize this? Government is not the solution to our healthcare woes. Cheesy inspirational music finish.

Tedward comes out, everyone cheers. Supposedly he's going to make a short speech. He seems like a genial fellow. I still disagree with his policies, though. Yes We Can reference. Says Obama will end racial, "agendal", and straight-vs-gay conflict. That's the most bizarre thing anyone's said yet. Says it was John Kennedy's idea to go to the moon. I'd have thought it was the space administration's. Seems pretty certain Obama will be elected. Lots of great words, "hope", "dream", etc. Now hugging, "doo-wop" music, commentary about his last statement, "the dream lives on".

I'll be back when the next good speaker comes on, since it's another round-table. And some commercials.

8:00: It's the final hour. Correspondant says that Republican Jim Leach will speak for Obama, along with the first woman Senator to endorse Obama. Then, finally, Michelle My-belle Obama.

8:03: Strategist correctly asserts that there is little, if any, Republican excitement for Obama. People don't identify with Jim Leach. Pollster incorrectly asserts that Obama's getting 10% of the Republican vote. It's more likely 7-8%, if that. Look at the Newsweek investigation into the mythical Obamacon masses.

8:06: Here's Jim Leach, Republican traitor. Says we've been diminished by the last 8 years. Wants change. He sounds exactly like any Obama supporter, Democratic or not. I haven't heard any reasons to vote Obama besides vague statements bashing Washington's "partisanism". The audience is starting to talk over him! He's not a very good speaker. He also praises Al Gore, and talks about Global Warming a bunch. Is this guy really a Republican? Here we go again, the myth that Obama is bipartisan. Or postpartisan. Whatever. Disses McCain a bit, says he wants to continue exact same Bush policies, a lie, of course. Brings up the Great Depression and WWII, as if our times are really as desperate as those. I can't wait to see what everyone at FreeRepublic has to say about this. Transcending figure? Where's the proof?

8:14: It turns out that Jim Leach wrote that speech. Really? I could have written that speech, too. I wouldn't want to, but I could certainly do it. Someone says that Independents are going to vote for Obama. What? McCain is owning in that group. Some idiot calls Republicans 'Whigs'. Whigs were only united against Andrew Jackson, they didn't really have a cohesive party platform.

8:18: MO politician says MO will turn blue. Not a chance, Missouri's been a red state for a long time. Obama doesn't have enough appeal to convert it. Michelle Omaha gets a reference. There is not a lot of substance, here. Class-baiting, McBush name-calling, Big Oil demonizing. This lady is one traditional Dem. Says Obama hasn't taken a dime from lobbyists. That's a lie. What a ghastly woman. Protection of Social Security? Uhh, let's not go there. Says McCain has campaign run by lobbyists, and that he "recently" (more like a few months ago) said the economy was fundamentally strong. More class-baiting against the rich. I wasn't expecting this out of her. I didn't hear this from Teddy. You want us to be united, yet you keep dissing Republicans. I hope MO de-elects her.

8:25: Michelle "Not Proud" Obama tribute. Met Barack at a law firm. Barack pretends to be modest. Their whole love story goes on, and on...and on...Michelle has done a lot of community service. Service seems to be a theme in the first ladies this year, considering Cindy McCain's mountainous amount of service in Mother Teresa's orphanage, campaign to remove land mines from civilian areas, etc. I'm sure she's a fantastic person, but she's a bit anti-American.

8:30: Michelle's brother. He's pretty nervous. Says Michelle has memorized every episode of the Brady Bunch, along with calling him down to his sports games and waking him up early. I doubt it. Says the same things that the trubute provided. Uses basketball analogies, because apparently being the President means taking the shot when it's open and being a team player. I wonder what the Presidential equivilant of passing is, then?

8:38: We're almost done, I think. And if we're not, I'll just stop after MyBelle Obama anyway. OK, so here she is, soaking up the praise. Acknowledges her brother. She comes here as a mom. Her own mom looks strangely blank. She is happy to be there, blah blah. Motivational speaking to "our children". Instead of going to Wall Street (considering he's not a banker or investor or economist, I'm not surprised) he went to become a community organizer. Barack doesn't accept the world as it is. Is that tolerant? Brings up military families. Young people take care of those who can't take care of themselves...people like Hillary Clinton. Huh? She loves this country because of its hope. So if we all didn't hope, she wouldn't love it? She's really getting excited. Brings up the "women should get equal pay for equal work" concept for about the 3rd time. Seems to be common sense, but OK. Barack will give everyone universal preschool, universal health care and universal mental health care. How does he pay for this, again? Thanks for being so specific. Barack will fight for working people (except the rich, I guess). Barack loves his kids, there's a shocker. He's still the same man she fell in love with. Vote Barack.

8:57: Barack makes an appearance on satellite. "How about Michelle?" Claims he asked her out a bunch of times, that qualifies him to be President, since he's "persistent". Ignores his kid when she says "hi, daddy". Tells the fam to sleep tight. The convention ends after the Benediction. And with that, I've wasted 3 hours.