The Final Day of the DNC: More BS than Barack Soetoro

OK, starting kind of on time:

6:08: Mark Udall is finishing a speech. I honestly hope he doesn't get elected, because he's THE Boulder Congressman.

6:12: Tim Kaine speaks. John McCain house joke, practically ignored. People don't care about it anymore. Durr, vote for McCain if you have 7 houses. Talks about what he's done in Honduras. Compares his service to Barry's community organizer. Aren't we tired of a Washington which doesn't have faith in us? Obama will invest in us. We need to put our faith in to action, faith in the American dream, blah blah blah. For a guy who talks about faith, he sure doesn't know when it's appropriate. Tells stadium to move mountains. "Move, mountains!" Mountains don't budge an inch.

6:16: Bill Richardson welcomes the audience in Spanish. John McCain says you're all in here to follow a celebrity. You're really in here to follow a celebrity and elect him. McCain thinks people don't think for themselves. How ridiculous. McCain supported Big Tobacco. He doesn't think for himself. McCain has only changed his mind, he won't change America. He pays hundreds for his shoes, but we'll pay for his flip-flops. As far as I recall, Obama's been in politics way less than McCain but has flipped way more than him. Everything is terrible, McCain wants tax breaks for oil companies (those evil, evil oil companies!) and we need to stop global warming. Oh, did I mention global warming? McCain wants us in Iraq 100 years (I can't believe he says that, after all, it's been debunked about 1000 times). We need to invest here at home, where everything is falling apart, and we have 3% positive economic growth. Oops, did I just say that? Obama puts workers first because he supports unions. Yeah, look how great GM and US Steel are, thanks to unions. Does anyone want to see Cheney anymore? Noooooooo! He is just PANDERING to the crowd, now. Maybe he'll start kissing their feet. We need a President who respects the Bill of Rights! Shuts down Guantanamo! Stops torturing those poor terrorists! Then he speaks a lot of Spanish, the crowd cheers, even though they don't know what he just said. America needs chaaaaange! Question: Are we gonna win this election? My answer: Noooooooo!

Ugh. I still think he was the right choice for Obama's VP.

Hurry up, bring Obambi out. Let's just get this over with. Oh, wait, we still have Glorebal Warming to worry about.

6:32: Stevie Wonder. Well, I really care what he has to say. One celebrity rooting for another, I guess. He's singing a song that may or may not have anything to do with the convention. It's a nice song. Nice beat, very...nice. "A world that is color-free", "unity and harmony", etc. A bridge..."Baaaaarack O'baaaaaama"..."Yes we cannnnn", and the song's over. Doing another song. This one I've heard before. Stevie dedicated it to Barack and Michelle, how cute.

6:46: Al Gore is here. I bet we're gonna here this: Obama wants renewables, ending global warming, McCain doesn't. Obama will do all this crap to end global warming. We need to all do our part. Now, let's see if I'm right. Will we take this opportunity for change? We have to!! Talking about 2000 election, saying everything would be perfect because he'd be President. This election is like 2000. McCain wants Bush policies. It's like recycling. If you want change, vote Obama. Wow. Never heard that one. Obama is telling us what he'll do. The election is close right now because of the status quo is afraid of the change Obama represents. What!? Many scientists say Arctic ice will be completely gone in next 4 years. Even though it increased this year. Hmm. Climate crisis this, climate crisis that. For the economy, we need to end our reliance on carbon-based fuel. We have everything we need for using wind, solar, etc. Except for a President to force us to do it. Oops, I'm sorry. Inspire us to do it. Disses the oil companies. Republicans have the worst products. I hate Republicans. So now we have to pledge that we'll "be there" for Barack. We need to tell Republicans why we vote for Barack. It's time for a change, change, change. Young voters will vote for Barack, it's a sign of change. Idiot. Abe Lincoln-Barack Obama comparison. Dissing the Iraq war. Barack's experience has given him respect for diff. views. As long as they're his own. This is all about as true as ManBearPig. Half man, half bear, half pig hybrid that Al Gore is obsessed with hunting. We must serve the world, our future, our God Barack Obama by electing him. Keep drinking that Kool-Aid!

Looks like I was right, haha.

Dude just says Barack is polling 58%. I should check that. Yep, just like I thought. He was lying. But then again, he's an Obamafan, what does he know?

7:13: Susan Eisenhower. Talks about her family history. Democrats like Eisenhower. The divisions in our contry are deep and wide. We must restore our image, we squabble all the time. Barack has the right "temperament" to run the country. He can inspire us all. But what if he doesn't? What if some people just...aren't inspired? So many of his policies are based on the "inspiration of the American people" that apparently he's the king of. But he can't mobilize everyone, just the Democrats. And that is a major problem that at sometime he'll have to address.

7:18: Many, many admirals and generals come out for Obama. Obviously going to say he's the right choice for our military and veterans. Why do I even bother? Leadership, judgement of Obama is gooooood. Freedom isn't free, it costs folks like you and me. And if we don't chip in, we'll never pay that bill...I swear I've heard this before.

7:25: Joe Biden's going to introduce some delegates. Hello, Harry Reid! Praises the DNC. We're here for everyone who's been knocked down, blah blah. These are the people who are teaching our kids, raising our families. Listen to these people. OK, here we go.

7:30: Union dude, Roy Gross. Unions ruin things. Teamsters union. We were doing well, until Bush came along. Bush made all the jobs go away. The economy isn't working. MI will be for Obama, thank you.

7:32: Monica, from Ohio. Someone sent her a chain e-mail about Obama. She found out that Obama is a man of values. He fights for the people. John McCain wants to continue Bush policies. Einstein would say we're insane if we elect John McCain. Are these really the people teaching our kids? I hope not.

7:35: Janet Monaco: From RI. She works lots of hours in a store, wants government assistance. Bush and McCain, it's all their faults. Tax breaks for the rich, looking out for lobbyists. Yes we can, make a CHHAAAAANGE!!!! Awkward.

7:36: Teresa from NM. Because of her grandparents, she got a doctorate. Guess we don't need the government, then. Bush and McCain made our schools terrible. It's all their faults. We don't need four more years. Our schools are terrible! I should know, I was just in one for the last four years. To tell you the truth? IT WAS NOTHING LIKE SHE DESCRIBES. WHOO CHANGE!! Huge Mexican contingent starts chanting along in Spanish. I have no idea what they're saying.

7:39: Pam from NC. Wait til you hear what's happening to me. We used to have a home, cars, health insurance, etc. Then 8 years ago, Bush got into office. Her husband needed surgery, and so everything fell apart. What? How does this have anything to do with Bush? She was a lifelong Republican. Explains why her life was fine for the last 30 years. Now we don't need 4 more years! OMG!! CHANGE!

7:42: Another Obamacan. America was a place of great opportunity. Now the plant is closed. He recieved 9 days of severance pay. Bush's fault? Of course. Bush sent his job overseas. I'm going to vote Barack, the Heartland needs chaaaaange. Stupid.

Commercial time. Time to throw up from all the BS I've just been force-fed.

7:52: I took Rush's advice, and put up a "I'm inexperienced, so I don't know what I'm talking about, or just outright lying" caption at the bottom of my TV for when Obama speaks, which he is, in a few moments. Soooo, follow me and let's gooooooo!

7:54: NAACP gloats over the significance of Obama being elected. Makes it seem like a crime to vote for McCain. No wonder so many Repubs feel guilty because that's what they're going to do, disrupt these people's dreams. But honestly, even if it is historical, we can't afford him for his policies and inexperience, not to mention his dark side.

7:58: Come ONNNNNN, hurry UPPPPPP.

7:59: Dick Durbin to introduce a video to introduce Obama. Great. Fantastic. Let's see it. Basic intro, Americans hunger for change, we are tired of divisiveness. We see it in the eyes of the young people. We see it in the eyes of the old people. We see it in the eyes of the socialis- er, liberal people. Life prepared Obama to lead us. OK. I get it, you're saying the same stuff I've been drilled for the past 4 days. Obama knows that the best days are still to come? "America is no longer what it can be."- Obama

Yes We Can! Chant!! OK, finally done. Video time.

Showing the midwest, for some reason. It's not like Obama will win here. Obama clip from 2004 speech. His childhood was like any other, but it was his search for self that defined him. Talks about his absence of his father. Still waiting for the part where he obtains an Indonesian passport, acting as a citizen of Indonesia. His mother was angry when she saw injustice, and it passed on. Talks just barely about his community organizer days. His Saul Alinksy-inspired days. Talks about his relationship with Michelle. Now it misleads us about his legislation, like the myth of his "welfare to work" legislation. Now talks about his mom's passing away. Talks about his grandfather, who apparently was like a little boy. Knows what it's like to have a single mom, knows what it's like to watch grandparents age. It's a rather bipartisan video, no Democratic mention anywhere.

8:14: Obama enters! The messiah! People worship and wave their signs in praise! Cheering abounds, I think I heard someone faint! Obama looks down on his peasants. They won't stop cheering. It's making him mad! Stop, before thy god smite thee! Here it is, the big Kahuna of speeches. The mother lode. Oop, "yes we can, yes we can" starts up again! OK. Thanks Howard Dean and Dick Durbin. He accepts the nomination! Who knew!? People go insane, cameras flash. Thanks Hillary. Crowd cheers quietly. Thanks Slick Willy and Ted Kennedy and Joe Biden. Thanks Michelle and his kids. They get less cheering. We can all come together as an American family, that's how Baryy got to be where he is. Tonight, eveything is terrible. The economy, the war, and the failed policies of Bush we have to thank. Amurrca, we are better than this. Talks about the delegates who spoke earlier. Invokes Katrina. Says to everyone: Enough! Sire has spoken, fools. Disses Republicans. Crowd chants once more. Almost silent clapping for McCain's war service. What does it say about your judgement if you agree with Evil Bush? On issue after issue, McCain is not independent. Disses Phil Gramm. You can't call us whiners! Tell that to the people who are working hard, tell that to the military! Oh, wait, that's not who Gramm was talking about in the first place. Oops. McCain doesn't know America, or else he wouldn't joke about middle-class being under 5 million dollars. Crowd boos McCain. McCain doesn't care, he doesn't get it. Republican philosophy (conservatism) is bad. Socialism good. It's time for them to own their failure. Everything is just going to Hell in a handcart. Praises Clinton presidency. I look at my sign and laugh. Talks about college saving, to pander to his young followers. Talks about his mom again. Says his life hasn't been like a celebrity's life. That's BS, the celebrity thing refers to his candidacy. Besides, lots of celebrities have lived more accomplished lives than you, anyway. Does that qualify them to be President? Heck no. Government shouldn't solve our problems, but it should do what we can't do ourselves. It should help us. Reagan evoked: "The scariest 9 words in the world today are "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."" He will punish companies that send jobs overseas. Gee, that sounds like a good idea. He'll cut taxes for the middle class, 95% of Americans. Hah hah hah. We'll cut our addiction to oil. McCain has been in Washington for 26 years. He forgets Biden has been there longer. Drilling is not a solution. But of course, he'll use other great fossil fuels, like natural gas and "clean coal". He will invest 150 billion dollars on technology that is useless to us. He'll give everyone universal Pre-K. He'll somehow make sure that every student gets a world-class education. He'll give me money for college if I promise to "work for the country". His socialized medicine will give everyone the kind of care that Washington gets, only he won't, because it'll turn out like the disaster they have in Britain. Equal pay stuff, again. Many of these plans will cost money. Closing corporate loopholes, going through the budget and eliminating programs that don't work. Can a President do that? Fulfilling these promises will require each of us to go green. We all have to take more responsibility. And what, you'll punish us if we don't? Because like you said, it only works if everyone does it. Challenges McCain, says he wants to debate. Talks about his opposition to the war. John McCain won't follow bin Laden. Bunch of crock. McCain stands alone in his refusal to end the war? Obama needs a dose of reality, then. You can't protect Israel by talking tough in Washington. What'll you do, invade it? We're the party of Kennedy, dont' tell me Democrats don't keep us safe. Uhh, Bay of Pigs, Cuban Missile Crisis, starting of the Vietnam War? Oh yeah, for sure. He'll end the war "responsibly". Which means cut-and-run. He'll make us great again. He looks forward to debating with McCain. Says McCain should stop attacking his character. Houses, anyone? The troops have served a united America. Praises America. Instead of cheering "USA", they cheer "Yes We Can". Attacks McCain again. We all have to cast off the politics of the past. Our sense of common purpose. We may not agree on abortion, but we agree on reducing unwanted pregnancy. We may not agree on same-sex marriage, but we can agree that gays deserve to visit their partner in hospitals. Don't tell me we can't uphold the 2nd Amendment and keep AK's out of the hands of criminals. You make a big election out of small things. What the naysayers don't understand is that the election isn't about me, it's about you. Change doesn't come from Washington, it comes to Washington. The change we need is coming. Then he pads his "accomplishments" again. Talks about Obamacans (8% of Repubs). Praises America again, like everything isn't terrible and gloomy. The American promise. It's that promise that made MLK speak of his dream. Talks about MLK's speech. We have to go forward, into the future, etc. Hold steady, keep going, without wavering. Aaand it's over.

And it was just OK.

That's it, it wasn't anything that I haven't heard before. I've heard the exact same stupid crap for the last 4 nights, in fact. All I can think is...that's it? That's what they made the huge setup for, that huge stadium filled, that strange set? For that?

If I bought tickets, I'd have felt gypped. Wait, I do feel gypped. This ate up 12 hours of my freakin' time. Now we've got the Remember the Titans theme. Fireworks, too. I'm sure Keith Olbermann has peed himself with happiness. But he didn't really give me proof that I should vote for him. Just a speech that could have been delivered by any politician. Especially a dishonest one like Obama.

Oooh, closing thoughts from Mark Shields and David Brooks. "This is like nothing we've ever seen." Yeah, it's like a combination of the Olympics and a motivational speaker. With a mediocre speech. "A truly historic night that will reverb around the nation, whether they want it or not." I don't even know what to say to that. "It'll be hard to label him as a conventional liberal." Hmm, no it won't, just look at his record. Will you believe the paper trail, or will you believe whatever he tells you? I think that's a huge issue for this campaign, people just treat his words as truth because he's an orator. He just SOUNDS like he's telling you what he's going to do. People in the audience are crying. This is pathetic.

Another commentator was underwhelmed. Looks like I'm not alone.

Well, I can say it wasn't a waste of time, since I really didn't expect much. But I pose to you this question, on the subject of unity: How are Obama's left-wing policies any more divisive than GWB's right-winged ones? If anything, the left-winged ones will be affecting more lives, because of the huge increase in the scope of government.

I'm out for the night. Buh-bye.